Day Twelve

Today was not my best day. In fact, it was such a rotten day that I seriously wanted to quit the diet and exercise regime and just stay fat forever.

I peaked last week at 12.4 pounds lost my first month. It felt fucking great. Since then, though, I kept gaining several ounces a day. Finally today, it was a full five pounds more. WHAT?! I'm eating reduced calories and contorting my body in positions it never thought possible to GAIN weight? Oh hell no!

But I turned Lower Body on and decided to just deal with it. Fit bodies and weight loss take time, right? But within the first five minutes, the dog was ramming into me, baby was crying, and my palms & hands ached with pain. It was just too much for me. I turned the DVD off and cried. 

Admittedly, I should have put big girl panties and just continued on. But this sucks. I'm working really hard. I'm not cheating on my diet (though I really want to!). I'm trying to not be weak minded. But I am apparently. This may seem like a tiny setback for most people but for me, five pounds is a big deal. I went from only needing 72 pounds to lose back up to 77. I already have a distorted self image and body issues to begin with and having a setback like this hurts. It also kills motivation. Motivation that took me a while to get going to get ready to transform my body; my mind; my life.

It probably doesn't help that my gorgeous husband continues to lose weight while eating five times more than I am and is barely exercising right now. I know, men lose differently than women blah blah. Especially since I've had kids and blah blah. But it's hard to remain motivated while the weight is basically falling off of your spouse while you're struggling.

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow.